Occasionally I run across a DVD that I have never heard of and I love it. District B13 was one of those films that just blew me away and I knew nothing of it when I bought it. The Sasquatch Gang surprised me by being a charming little unknown family film. Kelley Baker Angry Filmmaker Inc. Short Films introduced me to the works of Kelley Baker and through them to the engaging person behind the production and his other works. Those are the moments you treasure.
Then there are the movies that disappoint you. King of the Lost World was one of those films. It was bad, but it was still more entertaining than my choice for the worst film of all time, The Telephone with Whoopi Goldberg. I like Whoopi, but The Telephone is a boring piece of garbage. My wife and I rented the VHS of it ages ago, and neither of us could believe how bad it was. ( Of course that didn’t stop me from picking up a copy on DVD.) I mention all of this because I have now found a DVD that has earned it own special title. Ryan and Sean’s Not So Excellent Adventure is without a doubt the absolute stupidest film I have ever seen.
Ryan & Sean looked like it might be funny in the same way the Do It For Uncle Manny surprised me and was actually a half-way decent film. No such luck here. The plot concerns a down on his luck movie producer (Michael Buckley) that has 30 days to come up with a hit movie or he is off the lot. He and his partner Ink (Melvin “Shorty” Rossi) stumble upon a pair of Asian Internet You Tube stars named Ryan and Sean. He decides sight unseen and script unwritten to hire Ryan and Sean for his next project. It also turns out that one of his other employees is a self-proclaimed biggest fan of the duo and sets out to get close to them any way possible. The character played by Ryan Click is known as T.S.M., The Stalking Mangina. If you think the humor couldn’t get any lamer than that, you’re in for a shock. The film is punctuated by a host of lame jokes. One of the duo keeps breaking the fourth wall and talking to the audience while the other one asks who he is talking to. The pair gets filmed in front of a green screen sitting on a motor scooter and different backgrounds are placed behind them. Then chase scenes involving the two in front of a knock-off of the Hollywood sign get stuck in during scene changes in place of fades or wipes or any other sort of normal edit.
Ryan Click seems to be auditioning to become the next Jim Carrey as in addition to his heavily bearded (think Rip Van Winkle) Mangina, he also plays a cop, a waitress, a Sweeny Todd-like barber/stylist, and other roles. As for Sean Fujiyoshi and Ryan Higa, they perform bad lip synch, bad parody, and bad boy band dance moves. They also provide plenty of fart jokes. Oh and since Ink also happens to be a little person, Ryan and Sean unload a ton of short jokes as well.
The film is like a 6-year-old’s sugar rush caught on film. Forget logic if you dare to watch this disc. I swear I think my IQ probably dropped from watching this film. Imagine a group of kids making a movie with jokes that only they think are funny. That is this film, except the kids are old enough that they should have known better.
I would like to point out that although this is without a doubt the absolute stupidest movie I have ever seen, it still doesn’t unseat The Telephone as the worst of all time. I can actually imagine this being a great stoner comedy. Not a comedy about stoners, but a comedy for stoners. I can see them laughing at one of the guys constantly waking the other up by farting in his face, or by them calling for a reservation at an empty restaurant that refused to seat them without a reservation and using the name “Pissedoff”.
Ryan and Sean’s Not So Excellent Adventure gets 1/2 a star if you are sober and have even half of a brain. If you are impaired through use of recreational aids or mental illness, your rating may be higher. Ryan & Sean did have one redeeming value. After watching it, I thought maybe I could make my own movie.
365 Days of DVDs 