I have been watching a lot of DVDs and when I look at my reviews, I sometimes think that I have horrible taste in movies. I have given some 2 to 2 1/2 star reviews to films most reviewers would have struggled to give 1 star to. I think that perhaps I don’t know a bad movie when I see one, and then a film like Cheerleader Massacre comes along to prove that I do know crap when I see it.
Cheerleader Massacre was released by New Concorde, the same company that had released all of Roger Corman’s classics originally. I figured if they were the Corman company, then this might be enjoyable schlock-sploitation. You mix a psycho killer with nubile young cheerleaders and you have to at least have a halfway decent cheesefest. How wrong I was. The movie appears to have been shot on video which makes it look cheap. The dialogue is on par with some of Ed Wood’s scripts. And the acting completes the package, making me wonder if I’m watching a soap opera or a porno. At times it’s actually hard to tell. For example the cheer squad has 15 minutes before they have to leave for this bus trip. What does their coach tell them to do? Hit the showers. Yes, they are told to shower before they compete. Why? Logically this makes no sense, but since they don’t actually make it to the competition the filmmakers had to figure out some way to have a shower scene. For what it’s worth, Charity Rahmer looks very nice naked.
Cheerleader Massacre is a pseudo-sequel to Slumber Party Massacre. Slumber Party Massacre was considered to be a fairly decent slasher film. In fact one of its stars, Brinke Stevens reprises her role as Linda albeit 20 years older. Then in a move that makes Cheerleader Massacre look even worse, they show a flashback of the young Brinke from Slumber Party Massacre. I knew something was wrong at once when the movie went from video to film for the flashback. Incidentally there doesn’t appear to be any reason for the flashback. A couple of law enforcement types stop by to check on Linda and see if she can remember anything else from her encounter with the madman that might help them catch him now. She narrates over top of her flashback scene and we never see or hear from her again for the rest of the movie.
There are a couple of pretty elaborate explosions in the film as well, but they don’t look like they belong either. According to the IMDb, they don’t. Both explosions were repurposed footage from the Corman classic Humanoids From The Deep. Sadly despite borrowing shots from several different and better films, Cheerleader Massacre isn’t even able to fill in all of its plot holes. Why was an abandoned cabin stocked with orange juice and other food items that would go bad while the occupants were off in warmer climes? Once they find the gun in the cabin, why wouldn’t they all just gather round and stay safe and warm inside the house? Why would the female teacher go to take a shower and leave the door open as she strips naked? Why once she shut the door and started to shower did she not lock the bathroom door? How is it that every girl who gets naked manages to only show their boobs and butt? I know that one’s not really a plot hole but it was still irritating. What’s equally funny is that the sole deleted scene on the DVD is a dramatization of the driver’s fantasy about three cheerleaders taking a bath together and covering each other in chocolate syrup. It doesn’t really add anything to the movie except for that missing full frontal nudity. Unfortunately watching these actresses cavort around naked in a bathtub full of brown water from the chocolate syrup gave me the one scare I got in the entire film, and that was when I started thinking I might actually be watching a sequel to Two Girls, One Cup.
Cheerleader Massacre gets 1 star and it’s not for the acting, directing, script or cinematography.
Tags: blood, breasts, Brinke Stevens, Charity Rahmer, Cheerleader Massacre, chocolate syrup, DVD, flashback, full frontal, gore, horror, Humanoids From The Deep, movie review, murder, naked, nudity, psycho killer, Roger Corman, shower scene, slasher, Slumber Party Massacre, Two Girls One Cup, video